literature

Monster in me

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JoyousInsomnia's avatar
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Literature Text

You're crawling under my skin again.
Release me, let me be.
But knowing your existence already doomed me.
You're a blessing, you're a curse,
the duality is driving me crazy.

You bring me open doors,
I am more than grateful.
Yet you reveal my weaknesses,
remind me of my sickly mortality.

What are you? Why do you exist?
Why do you persist?
The monster inside is raising its head,
whispers in the shadow of my mind.

Just be a benefactor, why the curse?
You probably don't even know it.
Restrain the deadly sin in me,
raising its head, goading.

"St. Anthony's temptation,"
let me be as persistent in deny.
Do I really turn to a saint
as I don't take religion within me?
Am I such a mere mortal,
trapped in the curses,
in the throes of everyday life?

St. Anthony, I turn to you.
I turn to you as the personification of strong will.
I turn from addressing my demon to you.
Surprisingly, I feel lighter.
The more I call out,
the less my mortality shows.

St. Anthony, thank you.
This happened late at night at a moment of semi-panic. 
The temptation of St. Anthony is always a theme I was fascinated about during lectures.
Funnily enough, when I made that reference, it helped a lot.
Now I'm not too much of a religious person, pagan really, agnostic at best.
So the fact that this helped me get through something really made me have an existential crisis.

Now with a continuation piece to accompany it - joyousinsomnia.deviantart.com/…
Comments3
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TerramArmsXIII's avatar
whoa, the essence of being helped and hurt at the same time, i say this is good work.